• Rashidah Beatson

5 Signs You're in a Relationship Because You’re Lonely

Updated: Dec 29, 2019

We all feel lonely sometimes, we're human. Although loneliness can be a difficult experience, it can help with your personal growth because it gives you the time and space to learn about yourself. If you're jumping from relationship to relationship you need to take some time to self-reflect and identify any inner conflict you've been trying to avoid. Loneliness can at times mean we are more in need of ourselves than anyone else. You can only run away from the feeling for so long, you need to face it and try to pin down the root causes.


Learning to be alone is important, as they say self-love is the best type of love. You don't always need to have company to feel good, if you do then that's a problem. Check out the signs below that indicates whether you're in a relationship because you're lonely.


1) You just got out of a relationship

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Jumping into a new relationship when you haven’t even recovered from your old one is not a good idea. Rather than denying the fact that you’re feeling lonely, learn to accept it and remind yourself it will pass if you commit to changing the feeling. Spend time doing the things you love, find a new hobby and try doing things alone too - take yourself to the cinema or out for lunch. You don't need to depend on someone to accompany you everywhere you go.


2) You want everyone on social media to know about your relationship status

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Social media is the place where you flaunt the great things in your life - no one wants to expose their lows so they will always highlight the good. A lot of people think the whole world needs to know when you have something good going on in your life. If posting a pic on the gram was your first call of action as soon as you got in a relationship then you may need to take a step back and ask yourself - why are you really in a relationship? You’re forcing your SO to take pictures together so you can put an emoji on his face and post it on Twitter, you’re anticipating the day he’ll do something really romantic just so you can post it on your snapchat and update everyone how “lucky” you are - really sis? Do better. If you are eager to seek validation from external forces then it’s time to do some self-reflection. Being lonely can cause contradictory action, you show the world you’re not alone when really you are.


3) You’re struggling to actually understand why you even like this person

Giphy If you’re in bed at 2am wondering whether you and the person you’re dating have chemistry you’re probably in a relationship just for the sake of it. 9 times out of 10, you know deep down you’re not compatible at all but the security the relationship provides prevents you from acting on the truth. Look to the root causes of the loneliness you feel rather than ignoring it because living in denial will just make you hurt more. By depending on someone to fill a hole you should fill yourself will not change your situation or how you feel.


4) Everyone around you is in a relationship so you felt like you needed one

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If you're scrolling through your feed, social media can really make you feel as if you’re missing out on this special thing called love. The pressures of society can createe this idea that if we haven’t found anyone to date yet we must be doing something wrong. Everyone is cuffed up and well - you’re not. It isn’t surprising that we experience loneliness in this sense but rushing into a relationship so you can finally say “I’m off the market” is obviously not the best decision to make.


5) You ignore red flags and allow them to treat you like trash

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If you’re in a relationship where you know you deserve better but you go along with whatever bullsh*** your so called SO seems to be throwing at you, you’re probably in a relationship because you’re lonely. Stop convincing yourself that staying in a toxic relationship is better than being lonely, nothing is worth sacrificing your happiness for. No company is ten times better than bad company.


6) You Think Being In a Relationship Is Better Than Being Alone

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Attempting to find joy in the future rather than in the present moment is setting yourself up for disappointment. We convince ourselves that if we find this missing piece in our lives everything will drastically get better but sadly, it doesn’t work like that. Being in a relationship shouldn’t be your main focal point especially when you’re struggling to handle your own emotions and care for yourself. You might find yourself experiencing that same empty void you felt once before you got into a relationship. Truth is, no one can fill that void or complete you, only you can do that.


7) You crave their affection but not them as a person

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If sexual intimacy appears to be the only thing that makes you attracted to your SO but you convince yourself otherwise, you're being dishonest and you shouldn’t be staying in a commitment with someone who thinks different. You love the comfort of having someone to cuddle and stroke your head as you fall asleep but the person you’re actually cuddling isn’t exactly a turn on. This is an indicator that you’re in a relationship because you’re craving affection more than anything else, you don’t actually want a relationship you just want company. The last thing you want to do is hurt someone else because you want to fulfil your own needs, it’s important to remain truthful about your intentions to yourself and the person you are dating.

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